MAKE IT FUNNY 2

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In a rural area a farmer was tending to his horse named Buddy, and along came a stranger who despartely needed the farmer's help. The stranger had lost control of his vehicle and ran it off into a ditch. The stranger asked the farmer if his horse could somehow pull the vehicle out of the ditch for him and told the farmer that the vehicle was small. The farmer said he would come, bring his horse, and take a look, but could not promise he could help if his horse might be injured in some way from attempting to pull the vehicle out of the ditch. The farmer did see that the stranger was correct and that the vehicle was small, so the farmer took a rope and fixed it so that his horse, Buddy, would be able to pull the vehicle out of the ditch. The farmer then said, "Pull, Casey, Pull," but the horse would not budge. The farmer then said, "Pull, Bailey, Pull," but the horse would not budge again. The farmer then said, "Pull, Mandy, Pull," and again the horse would not move. The farmer then said, "Pull, Buddy, Pull," and the horse pulled until the vehicle was out of the ditch. The stranger was so very grateful, but asked the farmer why he called the horse by different names? The farmer said, "Buddy is blind, and I had to make him think he had help pulling the car out of the ditch or he would not have pulled."
 
An English man walks into a bar, he orders a ploughmans lunch and a cold pint of beer.

A Scottish man walks into a bar, he orders a bowl of stew and a double whiskey.

An Irish man walks into a bar and....OUCH!! :p
 
Jessica said:
An English man walks into a bar, he orders a ploughmans lunch and a cold pint of beer.

A Scottish man walks into a bar, he orders a bowl of stew and a double whiskey.

An Irish man walks into a bar and....OUCH!! :p
Click to expand...
Dont let Terry see this, he has an Irish background. ☘
 
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I guess because I was born with them.”


Knock! Knock!

Who’s there?
Control Freak.
Con…
OK, now you say, “Control Freak who?”
 
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I remember many a self deprecating Irish joke told by the Irish themselves. Water off a duck's after 9 centuries of subjugation by the English, and those damn Vikings too in Dublin before Alfred burnt his cakes. Silly man.
Dave Allen was a brilliant spinner of yarns.

Here's one to balance the ledger:

Back in the fifties a wealthy English man set out to tour Ireland in his brand new open top Red Jaguar Motor Car.
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Typical of those days the roads were rough and narrow dwarfed by thick hedges on either side. Road signs were infrequent and in Gaelic and hard to read making the stylish driver feeling lost and frustrated.
Eventually the English gentleman with his goggles, driving gloves, a scarf and his stylish Drivers flat cap pulled into a small hamlet.
It looked very quiet with just one old man sitting on a barrel smoking his pipe.

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Pulling up next to the old fellow the Englishman called out " Hey you, I say old man, tell me, is this the quickest way to get to Donegal?"

The wizened old Irishman pushed himself to his feet with his cane and said " Now would ye be driving or walking Sir?"

"Driving of course you old fool!" spat the English toff.

"Well Sir" said the old fellow turning to go back indoors "I totally agree, Driving would surely be quicker than Walking!"
 
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