MAKE IT FUNNY 2

Top Contributors
A man walked into a small Irish pub and ordered three beers. Bartender was surprised, but he served that man three beers. One hour later the man ordered three beers again. The very next day that man ordered three beers again and drank quietly at a table. This repeated several times and shortly after the people of the town were whispering about the man, who was ordering three beers at once.
A couple of weeks later, the bartender decided to clear this out and inquired: „I do not want to pry, but could you explain, why do you order three beers all the time?” The man replied: „It seems strange, isn‘t it? You see, my two brothers live abroad at the moment, one – in France and another – in Italy. We have made an agreement, that every time we go to pub each of us will order an extra two beers as it will help keep the family bond“.
A week later the man came back to the pub and this time ordered only two beers, not the usual three. The bartender, feeling sorry for the man, then said : " I would like to offer you my condolences due to the death of your dear brother”. The man considered this for a moment and then replied: "Oh, you are probably surprised that I ordered only two beers now? Well, my two brothers are alive and well, it‘s just because I promised myself to give up drinking“.
 
Last edited:
Paddy and Mick were walking down the street when suddenly Paddy disappears down a manhole.

Hey Paddy, shouts Mick, are you ok?
I'm ok but get me out. Shouts Paddy.
I will. Shouts Mick. Is there a light down there. He added.
I don't know, replies Paddy, it's too dark to tell.
 
It is said the Brits dont mind some self deprecating humor. Here are a few. You wont take offense Jessica?

How many Brexiteers does it take to change a light bulb?
One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.

When you forget you made a pot of that favorite Brit beverage, tea, and it goes cold. You just want to lock yourself in the bedroom and have a good cry.

What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the Football World Cup?
A referee.

" A man bought some new 'London Bridge' jeans. They keep falling down."
 
Last edited:
How about sing-a-long songs that you knew as a child....

Mary the milkmaid was milking a cow,
But poor little Mary she didn't know how.
Along came the farmer who gave her the sack,
So she turned the cow over and poured the milk back...:p
 
An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while
fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said,
'We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all
in turn. But first, you each can make a final wish.'

The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one
more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys
Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'

The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to
remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with
Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'

The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more
time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice
Choir.'

The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first.'
 
Ritchie said:
Terry surprised you have not changed your u/n to Jake. Where does Grier come from.
Click to expand...

Grier Meaning: alert; watchful; quick; swift.
Grier is an unusual gender-neutral name originating in Scotland but whose roots stretch back to the Byzantine Empire.

I didn't know one could change one's user name Craig.

How's about getting back into our Story soonish? I miss it.👌
 
Grier said:
Grier Meaning: alert; watchful; quick; swift.
Grier is an unusual gender-neutral name originating in Scotland but whose roots stretch back to the Byzantine Empire.

I didn't know one could change one's user name Craig.

How's about getting back into our Story soonish? I miss it.👌
Click to expand...
👌
 
“Mummy, mummy, I don’t want to go to the USA!” – “Shut up and keep swimming.”


Teacher: “Where was the peace treaty of 1806 signed?”
Little Fritz: “Bottom right?”


“But Waiter, the coffee is cold!”
“Thanks for telling me, sir! Ice coffee is one Euro more….”
 
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn’t talking to me.

Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
 
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Yes! Because a house can’t jump.


“Hey Philipp, how was your vacation?”
“Horrible! In the hotel I had room number 100. And the 1 fell off the sign on the door!”

(In Germany public restrooms are marked with 00.)
 
looker-on said:
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Yes! Because a house can’t jump.


“Hey Philipp, how was your vacation?”
“Horrible! In the hotel I had room number 100. And the 1 fell off the sign on the door!”

(In Germany public restrooms are marked with 00.)
Click to expand...
I never knew that. Our toilets are usually marked with 🚹🚺♿🚼🚾
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top