MAKE IT FUNNY 2

[Richie]

When I was a little girl, my father worked as a bus driver. Once, he had a couple of free hours before getting back to work, so he fell asleep on a couch. I was so excited to have that “patient” client in my imaginary beauty salon that I did my best to create a truly extraordinary hairstyle for him and a very exclusive makeup look with my blue crayon. The victim suddenly woke up and realizing he could be late for work and rushed out of the house before I could tell him about my art. As I found out later, my father and his colleagues had a great laugh, and my hero totally pulled off his new look.

 

[Jessica]

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.

I don't get it???

 

[Grier]

I don't get it???

All of this is just "one" very long sentece Jessica:

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

 

[Jessica]

All of this is just "one" very long sentece Jessica:

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!

Now I get it!!!

 

[Vince]

Cowboy goes into the post office in a small town and sees an intriguing poster on the wall:

WANTED. $250 reward: The Brown Paper Kid.

Cowboy says to the clerk "That's a strange one. Why's he called that?"
"That's because everything he wears is made from brown paper. Shirt, trousers, hat, blanket and saddle bags".
"Strange one, all right. What's he wanted for?"
"Rustling"

 

[Richie]

Cowboy goes into the post office in a small town and sees an intriguing poster on the wall:

WANTED. $250 reward: The Brown Paper Kid.

Cowboy says to the clerk "That's a strange one. Why's he called that?"
"That's because everything he wears is made from brown paper. Shirt, trousers, hat, blanket and saddle bags".
"Strange one, all right. What's he wanted for?"
"Rustling"

Lame.

 

[Vince]

Lame.

No the horse was fine!

 

[Richie]

No the horse was fine!

Touche.

 

[Richie]

This is not so funny, as spooky.
A couple years ago I moved out of state with a boyfriend. Was super excited about it but with reason had anxiety about being so far from friends and family. One of the ways my anxiety was coming out was with nightmares and night terrors. I’d wake up violently sitting up in a cold sweat, gasping and whatnot. On one particular night I had woken up the sound of our doorbell ringing. Which at 4 in the morning is nerve wracking. So I shook my boyfriend fully awake and told him I heard the doorbell and to go check it because I was scared. He quickly jumps up. Puts on clothes and grabs a bat. Goes all the way to the front door and opens it. I, scared shitless, am peeking around the corner watching it all go down. I see him step outside and I nervously await the verdict of the situation when I hear him call out to me. “Babe?” And I respond real shaky, “Yes?” He stands in the doorway with a real frustrated tired look in his eyes and says, “We don’t have a doorbell.”

 

[Vince]

You could call that a Knock Knock Whoooooooooo's There? joke.

I think I warned you about the Dad Jokes..

 

[Grier]

Little Suzy

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home.
Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures;
in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped
a tall, grinning man.
"Hi there, little girl. I'm Donald Trump. What do you have in the basket?"
he asked. "Kittens," little Suzy said.
"How old are they?" asked Trump. Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't
even open yet."
"And what kind of kittens are they?" "Republicans," answered Suzy with a smile.
Trump was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and
told him about the little girl and the kittens.
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that Trump should return the
next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the
girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So, the next day Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS,"
when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC, NBC, CBS,
FOX, and CNN. Cameras and audio equipment
were quickly set up, then Trump got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of
kittens you're giving away."
"Yes, sir," Suzy said. "They're Democrats." Taken by surprise, Trump stammered,
"But...but...yesterday, you told me they were REPUBLICANS."
Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open."