MAKE IT FUNNY 2

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A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.

The Scotsman asks for a year's supply
of whisky; it's given to him and he's locked away.

The Irishman asks for
a year's supply of Guinness so he's locked up with several thousand bottles
of it.

The Englishman asks for a year's supply of cigarettes and he's
given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him.

One year later, the doors are all unlocked.
The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, 'I'm
free!' and then keels over dead from alcohol poisoning.

The Irishman is dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure.

When the door to the Englishman's cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly
to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself. To their
surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he
sees, and asks, 'I say you wouldn't happen to have a match, would you?'
 
Hi Craig,
Jessica and I would love to get the old or a new story going.
What do you think, old or new?
We're treading water without you.
I did like Molly's mad Marauders with your Rev Flasher, Molly and my Jake.
It'd be nice to do the masked ball heist as a last chapter.
 
Grier said:
Hi Craig,
Jessica and I would love to get the old or a new story going.
What do you think, old or new?
We're treading water without you.
I did like Molly's mad Marauders with your Rev Flasher, Molly and my Jake.
It'd be nice to do the masked ball heist as a last chapter.
Click to expand...
Anytime your are ready. I figured we had taken the old story as far as we could. But I am easy either way old or new. Did you think I was holding up you guys.
 
Is it funny if it's sexist? Anyway...



This pun only works in German. It says:
"Women are the better motorists..... (starts off as a compliment before it becomes clear that it's a poisoned one)
.....if they use public transport."
 
A Frenchman, a German, an Irishman and an Englishman are talking together after some rigorous exercise.

'I'm so tired and thirsty,' moaned the Frenchman, 'I think I must have a glass of wine.'

'I'm so tired and thirsty,' responded the German, 'I think I must have a pilsener.'

'I'm so tired and thirsty,' murmured the Irishman, 'I think I must have a Guinness.'

'I'm so tired and thirsty,' muttered the Englishman, 'I think I must have diabetes.'
 
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