MAKE IT FUNNY 2

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Jessica said:
I don't get it??? 🤔
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All of this is just "one" very long sentece Jessica:

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
 
Grier said:
All of this is just "one" very long sentece Jessica:

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
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Now I get it!!! 😆
 
Cowboy goes into the post office in a small town and sees an intriguing poster on the wall:

WANTED. $250 reward: The Brown Paper Kid.

Cowboy says to the clerk "That's a strange one. Why's he called that?"
"That's because everything he wears is made from brown paper. Shirt, trousers, hat, blanket and saddle bags".
"Strange one, all right. What's he wanted for?"
"Rustling"
 
Vince said:
Cowboy goes into the post office in a small town and sees an intriguing poster on the wall:

WANTED. $250 reward: The Brown Paper Kid.

Cowboy says to the clerk "That's a strange one. Why's he called that?"
"That's because everything he wears is made from brown paper. Shirt, trousers, hat, blanket and saddle bags".
"Strange one, all right. What's he wanted for?"
"Rustling"
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Lame.
 
This is not so funny, as spooky.
A couple years ago I moved out of state with a boyfriend. Was super excited about it but with reason had anxiety about being so far from friends and family. One of the ways my anxiety was coming out was with nightmares and night terrors. I’d wake up violently sitting up in a cold sweat, gasping and whatnot. On one particular night I had woken up the sound of our doorbell ringing. Which at 4 in the morning is nerve wracking. So I shook my boyfriend fully awake and told him I heard the doorbell and to go check it because I was scared. He quickly jumps up. Puts on clothes and grabs a bat. Goes all the way to the front door and opens it. I, scared shitless, am peeking around the corner watching it all go down. I see him step outside and I nervously await the verdict of the situation when I hear him call out to me. “Babe?” And I respond real shaky, “Yes?” He stands in the doorway with a real frustrated tired look in his eyes and says, “We don’t have a doorbell.”
 
Little Suzy
A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home.
Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures;
in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped
a tall, grinning man.
"Hi there, little girl. I'm Donald Trump. What do you have in the basket?"
he asked. "Kittens," little Suzy said.
"How old are they?" asked Trump. Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't
even open yet."
"And what kind of kittens are they?" "Republicans," answered Suzy with a smile.
Trump was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and
told him about the little girl and the kittens.
Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that Trump should return the
next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the
girl talk about her discerning kittens.
So, the next day Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS,"
when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC, NBC, CBS,
FOX, and CNN. Cameras and audio equipment
were quickly set up, then Trump got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.
"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of
kittens you're giving away."
"Yes, sir," Suzy said. "They're Democrats." Taken by surprise, Trump stammered,
"But...but...yesterday, you told me they were REPUBLICANS."
Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open."
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"flamboyant" is a word.

What does "Flamboyancy" mean?🙄

To me it's the action of keeping afloat with hot air!🤪

What's your definition, in the same vein?🤔

Or your own worming word and personal definition..... 🤡😄

Sasterationally yours, Grier 🤯
 
HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
 
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