MAKE IT FUNNY 2

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Sorry to string you along sew.
So how long is a piece of string? 😄

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A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.

He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”

The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground!”
 
I guess they could tie the knot, but that would be stretching things, especially the string on that long bow you're trying to draw.

Have you heard about this theory of strings, so tied up in knots the boffins need 10 or 11 dimensions to describe it, our usual 4 included with a song by Perry Como. "Don't Let the Stars Get in Your Eyes".

I just remembered, they call it "String Theater" with performing puppets attached to..... you know what...
 
A broke and rather touched in the head guy walks past a pub. He looks at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walks on. Just then, he spots a lamp lying in the gutter. He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie emerges.
“I will grant you three wishes,” intones the genie.
“Give me a bottomless mug of beer,” the guy says.
A mug of beer appears in his hand. He takes a sip, then another. With each chug, the mug magically refills.
“And for your other two wishes?”
Between swallows, the lucky guy shouts, “Give me two more just like this one!”
 
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A man gets home after work and finds his girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman. She says, “You ́re being arrested under suspicion of being good in bed”.
Two minutes later, she is getting dressed again. The man asks her “will you take me to jail, officer?”
The woman sighs and says, “No. All your charges are dropped due to lack of evidence”.
 
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “what’s your blood type?”
“I’m probably a type O”, said the rabbit.
 
Please don't try to make sense of this - brain may enter spin cycle.
 

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Vince said:
I didn't either when I first read it. It's just a really bad pun. A Dad Joke actually.
It's about spelling mistakes (or typos);) Rabbit has too many letters...
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So, the typo was that the " priest, a pastor and a rabbit" should have been a priest, a pastor and a "rabbi". One less letter.
 
This riddle is not funny but makes you think outside the box.

If you had only one match stick, and entered a dark room containing an oil lamp, some newspaper, and some kindling wood, which would you light first?
 
Ritchie said:
You and I both got it. Now would you have if I did NOT ask you to think outside the box?
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No, not the box clue Craig but I knew the puzzle having given scores to my Maths kids like your one.

From memory:

A big and a small Indian are walking down the road together holding hands. The big Indian is not the small Indian's father, but the small Indian is the son of the big Indian.
Who is the big Indian?

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Grier said:
No, not the box clue Craig but I knew the puzzle having given scores to my Maths kids like your one.

From memory:

A big and a small Indian are walking down the road together holding hands. The big Indian is not the small Indian's father, but the small Indian is the son of the big Indian.
Who is the big Indian?

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You used that Indian in one of our stories if memory serves Terry.

These type of riddles also have an IQ connotation. Need a think on the Indian one.

The big Indian has to be his mother as nothing said re gender.
 
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